Leave Shame Out of the Porn Talk

Parents should consider having the porn talk with their children before middle school.

The average age of a child’s first exposure to pornography is 11-years old, so most parents should consider having the porn talk with their children before middle school. In fact, pornographic searches increase by 4,700% during non-school hours, according to Google Analytics.

For many children and teens, their interaction with pornography goes beyond just the casual encounter. Research from NPCC Childline indicates that 10% of children in the 7^th grade are watching enough porn to be concerned they may have an addiction to pornography.

Experts believe this is a result of desensitization at an earlier age and mobile accessibility. 

Mobile Phones Have Changed Access to Porn

Teens’ ownership of smartphones has been surging, with eMarketer estimating 84% of teenagers will own a smartphone. Smartphones have changed all of our lives by allowing instant access to loved ones through text or FaceTime and instant Google search access for fun or school projects.

This immediate access also creates an opportunity for your children to instantly access pornographic sites, either accidentally or on purpose. Pornhub, one of the nation’s largest porn sites has stated that currently about 72% of worldwide traffic to Pornhub comes from smartphones and tablets.  

What Should You Do if Your Child has Seen Porn?

First, be careful not to overreact or choose language that may cause shame. There is nothing that can be done to help your child “unsee” what they have seen. It's also natural for your child to be curious about human bodies, so the best course of action may be to have an age appropriate conversation on pornography, sexting or inappropriate images.

It’s also never too soon to have a conversation about what is and is not appropriate to post online. If your child is old enough to understand, let them know it is illegal to send or receive sexually explicit pictures, videos or pornography of a minor, even if the sender or receiver is also underage.  

3 Ways to Talk With Your Kids About Porn

Most likely, your child is unaware of how repeated viewing of pornography can create unhealthy perceptions of romantic relationships and how it can have detrimental effects on their brain health.

Because of this, it’s important to have an open conversation about what they have seen. Having early conversations about love and sex, that is age appropriate, can help your child embrace healthy and happy romantic relationships in the future.

1. Talk to them about what they have seen without shame or blame.
   Let them know it’s natural for them to be interested in the human body but ask them questions such as: How can you tell? Does it seem like those people are in love?
    
2. Reinforce the idea that sex is something that should be an expression of love, respect and commitment.
   If the images your child has seen were sexually explicit or violent in nature, point out to that this type of interaction is not a sign of a happy and healthy relationship. 
    
3. Make sure your child is aware that sexting with any minor is illegal.
   A report by Drexel University states that 40% of teens participate in sexting, and of those who do, 61% were unaware their actions have legal life-changing consequences. Additionally, make sure your child is aware of the sexting laws in your state.

Your Child’s Brain on Porn

Help your child understand that porn can actually have a negative effect on healthy brain development.The limbic region of your child’s brain during the teenage years is in a critical brain development phase and is particularly sensitive to certain types of stimulation such as pornography, drugs, and gambling. 

The effects of repeatedly viewing porn during adolescence activates the “fight or flight” response which can trigger the hormone dopamine. Stimulation, such as pornography, tends to release more dopamine causing the brain’s neurons to fire faster craving more of the pornography stimulant.

It's important to recognize the addictive nature of pornography in your child’s brain so that a causal interaction does not become a habit. 

Other Negative Effects of Your Child Watching Porn

Various studies throughout the years have documented concerns in their research of negative effects that is most likely linked to adolescent’s repeatedly viewing porn. Some of the key findings include:

• Desensitization to sexual situations which can lead to acting out sexualized scenes or situations they viewed from the porn.

• Teens often receive the majority of their sex education from watching porn with no context that introduces the concept of mutual love and respect.

• Most porn shows the objectification and violence towards women creating an unhealthy view of a sexual relationship.

Realistically, it’s not a question of if  your child will encounter porn, but when. The best course of action to support your child when this happens is to keep an open line of communication without any shame. Having an adult to talk to that they can trust and to address their questions is essential for their healthy transition from adolescent to adult.

If your child feels comfortable having a conversation with you, even if at times it will be uncomfortable and awkward for you both, they are less likely to go to sources for education that could be dangerous or reckless. 

By educating your teens about what a healthy relationship is and discussing when sex is appropriate, parents can help their child to be better prepared when they do encounter pornography.

Also read Caught Your Kid Sexting, Now What?